Darkness, Be With Me. February 6, 2010 at 11:41 pm
I want to write. I really really do. The last month has seen it’s share of ups and downs (what else is new). The difference now is that I’m not sure how I feel about what has been going on recently. Relationships have become messy, but work is stable, and great. A lot of this feels confusing, and trying to sort it all out is exhausting. The more I ponder, the darker I feel.
I started this year trying to balance darkness and joy. For a while there was more of the latter than the former, but in the last week or so, darkness has been struggling to come out and play. I won’t fight it because I know it won’t do any good. I’ve got to ride out the storm, let things be until the tide decides to turn yet again.
I’ll try again to write something more coherent in the next few days. I need the release.
Sometimes without our consent, our life cracks into a hundred little pieces. My way to deal with this usually, is to pick up my pieces and belabor them, to rearrange them like a thousand piece puzzle without the box, forgetting over and over again how anything fits. Sometimes though, the right thing to do is to sweep up the shards and try not to think about anything else but the very second you’re living and the task before you. Press past the feelings of pain/darkness. You feel me??!!
Thanks Shans, your words are always comforting.