DarkJoy

Even in friendship, the games continue.  Even with her life beginning to sort itself, Jane’s actions are still erratic and marred by selfishness.  I can’t say I’m really surprised, but I’m glad I’ve stopped living my life in a holding pattern, waiting for her to grant me clearance.

We talked earlier this week, just to catch each other up on our recent lives.  We eventually talked of our weekend plans, she stating that she had none at the time.  I told her of my friend’s band being in town for a show on Saturday night, and invited her to come along.  She accepted, and then suggested we make an evening of it, by making dinner and then having me play guitar for her.  Not exactly friends-only activities, but I didn’t object.  Perhaps she simply wanted to test the waters between us, or perhaps she didn’t quite realize the romantic implications of her ideas.  Or maybe she was just in one of those dreamy moods.  Regardless, I was up for a nice casual evening.  It would allow me to really test the validity of the recent feelings (those based in friendship) I’ve been having towards her.

Over the next couple of days, we texted each other, either just little updates on what’s been going on, or to cement plans for our “date”.  This morning she sent me another message, riddled with excuses.  Paraphrasing, “Hey, I’m a dumbass, I drank way too much last night.  A 5 a 7 turned into a 5 a 3, and now I’m so sick!  Can we rain check? Maybe tomorrow after church we can do something?”.  One of the many problems with this is that it is entirely believable, and consistent with her recent unreliable behavior.

I once read something from a somewhat famous dating advice guru that when a woman tries to flake on you, for whatever reason (except of course for the very serious ones), you should just not respond.  In the moment, part of what they are feeling is anxiety towards the date or meeting for any number of reasons.  And when they do flake, the tension is only increased because they may worry about how you will react.  It’s important to send the message that these kinds of actions won’t be tolerated or taken lightly.  By responding too quickly or too kindly, you give away just a little too much power, and set a precedence for this to happen again in the future.  Sadly I’ve probably already done this with her at some point in the past.  That was when I was still under her spell.  This time however, I’m acting a little more consistently with how I’d react if any of my friends did something similar.  I won’t respond before the time we had set to meet.  And if she doesn’t try to contact me again, I’ll let her know that this was unacceptable behavior between friends.  When she’s ready to be serious about friendship, she knows how to reach me.

One thing that will make it easy to turn down Jane’s proposition to meet tomorrow is that I actually have plans for the afternoon and evening.  Part of the reason I packed two meetings in the same day was because of the plans I made with her.  My first meet is with a friend I had not seen in about a year.  The second, more interesting one, is with a girl (a doctor apparently), let’s call her Serah, that I met while out for a friend’s bachelor party last week.  Coffee and dessert (actual coffee), and maybe a drink afterwards.  From the emails we’ve exchanged during the week, she seems like a nice enough girl.  Nice enough to create a strong contrast against a certain someone who’s less together.

And the Wild Rose?  She’s supposed to be writing her last paper for the semester (pursuing her second Master’s, this one in Information Studies), so we haven’t had much contact since our last encounter.  I’d like to see more of her, and I sensed she felt the same way.  I won’t, however, assume anything.  Unless I receive clear signs from any prospect, I won’t restrict myself (I think i’ve typed these exact words before).

Jane.  I once called you my SweetSpirit, my Grand Prize.  For a while, you have not been the girl I expected you to be.  Perhaps you’ve changed, or perhaps I was wearing rose colored lenses.  Either way, what I once saw as a certain future is starting to feel like a mere possibility.  I still have those feelings in my heart, but they are hard to locate, now nowhere near the surface.

I’ll see you when I see you.

Posted in: Drink Of Anguish, lionheart by PrimeraEspada /